2009-09-02

096

YOU SEE SO ITS LIKE THIS OFFICER...
I HAVE SOME SILLY KIND OF MIND THAT DOESNT TEND TO STORE RECONSTRUCTIONS OF WHAT MAY HAVE NEVER HAPPENED SO WHEN SOMEBODY TELLS ME TO REMEMBER THINGS FROM THE PAST I MAY AS WELL FLOAT THROUGH A FANTASY AND BREATHE FREE OPEN AIR INSTEAD OF BURYING MY HEAD AT THE BOTTOM OF A HAYSTACK IN A PAINTING OF A PAINTING OF A PAINTING OF A PAINTING OF AN INTERNAL MODEL OF AN EXTERNAL REALITY FROM A ME THAT MAY NOT HAVE EVER EXISTED ANY YESTERDAY BEFORE A NOW THAT IS ABSOLUTE AND ALL CONSUMING THE PAST LIKE A FIREFLY ON THE SUN OF NOW A SMELL REMINDS ME OF ITSELF A SMELL THAT HAS SMELLED IDENTICAL DEEP IN THE PASTS UNBROKEN CONTINUITY UNTIL NOW IS LIKE ASKING FOR A PEBBLE TO REMIND YOU OF THE UNIVERSE THAT FLOWS THROUGH ME NOW AND I CAN FEEL IT ERODING EVERY MOMENT THAT WAS NOT MEANT TO BE HELD ON TO SAY THE WORD OBLIVION A SECOND ROUND WOULD BE BLIND TO REASON WITH THE REAL ME TRANSFORMING IN THE PREGNANT CESSPOOL OF TIME IN A TIME WHEN EVERY FOCAL POINT OF ATTENTION IS IN A WRITHING ECSTASY OF ITSELF I'M TRYING REAL HARD TO SUMMON A MEMORY OF A MEMORY ELICITED BY A SCENT BUT MAYBE I CAN WORK WITH THE SOUND OF MYSELF RUSTLING FABRIC AND FLESH AND RATTLING A GRID OF BLACK PLASTIC BUTTONS I REMEMBER THE FEELING TONE OF EVENTS BUT THE TEXTURES BURN AWAY TO NOTHING WHEN THEY SIT IN THE FLAMES OF SENSATION REMINDING ME THAT I AM HERE NOW I KNOW EVERYONE ELSE IS SUPPOSED TO SPEND ENOUGH TIME PRACTICING LOOKING INTO THE PAST BUT IT IS RARE THAT I AM SATIATED BY THE DIMMED EXPERIENCES OF MOMENTS WHEN I WAS ENGAGED WITH MY SURROUNDINGS IN ANY WAY NEAR OR EVEN FAR BEFORE NOW MY MEMORY REFUSES TO GIVE ME ANYTHING BUT EMOTIONAL FIELDS THAT RESONATE IN HARMONY WITH THE CURRENT OF MY CURRENT ATTENTION I GIVE AT THE COST OF ANOTHER NOW SLIPPING AWAY THAT I MAY FIND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR IS TO THINK OF AN EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE AND FOLLOW IT IN TO THE EPICENTER TO SEEK A SCENT OR SOUND THAT CONVERSELY MAY REMIND ME OF THIS EVENT AT A FUTURE DATE THROUGH MY CONSCIOUS CONNECTION OF A PIECE OF THIS AND AT PEACE WITH THE FACT THAT THE YESTERDAYS HAVE GONE AND FADE UNTIL THEY BLEND MEMORIES TOGETHER LIKE A CONVERSATION IN A CROWDED RESTAURANT FILLED WITH CONVERSATIONS MAKING A CACOPHONY BEYOND A WISH OF DISSECTION WHY THE HELL IS THIS GIVING ME SO MUCH TROUBLE WHAT HAPPENED THAT FRIGHTENED ME AWAY FROM REMEMBERING THERE IS NO OVERARCHING TRAGEDY THAT RULES MY LIFE THERE IS NO REASON I CAN DREAM UP THAT EXPLAINS THIS DIFFICULTY WITH COMMON FUNCTIONS CONSCIOUSNESS IS LIKE A DISEASE THAT EATS AWAY AT THE THREAD THAT CONNECTS IT BACK TO ITSELF THIS BODY OF TEXT IS EVIDENCE OF THE REALITY OF MY CONDITION I NEED TO KEEP LOOKING AHEAD OR THE WIND UNDER MY WINGS WILL CEASE

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