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the sensation arose again, connected to moments in my youth, a sensation that makes the distance between the core of bone to the outer face of skin seem VAST, a feeling that I am GIANT yet still contained to the same frame sitting here, it is at once mental and physical, all consuming, alien to ALL sensation, this time it was centered from my upper jaw through my skull, through my arms into my massive hands, there is almost a taste sensation like my existence is permeated by a dull yet robust deep bitterness, I relate this in youth to sickness and medicine high, now it comes extremely rarely when I am thinking profound intellectual thoughts that point towards the unknowable, almost like when approaching the barrier between consciousness and beyond, the mental space becomes physical, a numinous numbness, I always feel drawn into it, like I want to cross the threshold and leave the physical world, like tasting a cavity in my soul